Five years ago I was simple. Simple career goals: Join the Peace Corps and Teach history. Simple living standards: My own apartment, a 60 inch HDTV, and a car that runs. Simple desires: A little black book with numbers that I could call whenever I was in need. That was all I ever wanted out of life. Now everything seems so complicated and I don't know what I want anymore.
Marcus took me by surprise. I never wanted to be in a relationship but for the past five years I've had the chance to experience the world as a boy in love. It may not have been your typical loving relationship but it had all the same inner workings of one, including promises of forever, deep passionate kisses, and the inability to function without one another. There is so much love between us but yet it's not enough to keep us together. I can't give him what he wants and he can't give me what I need. It took a few months of fighting, a handful of insults, and a ton of heart ache for us to finally accept our defeat but the war is over. The smoke has cleared. There is no victory. Both sides have lost.
Yesterday was our goodbye. As he was leaving I told him that I would always love him. I told him that I want to remember the good times and forget about the bad. I told him to keep in touch and that I'd like to be friends. He wanted to say something back, he opened his mouth but nothing came out. Tears began rolling down his face and we both knew if he stood around any longer he would of ended up staying. So he simply kissed me on the cheek, took what's left of my heart, and left.
94 comments:
Take care.
sorry to hear the sad stuff.
if you wanna chat..
i love to write you more a personal note...i guess i should myspace u as i am ur friend there...
mr pineapple
Join the club (on the lack of love life)..I have done porn too b.t.w. Sometimes I feel like I will never have a boyfriend again. Its been 4 years, but who's counting. And is not cos I do not want to have a BF. I do. It just seems like nobody takes me seriously. Everyone just wants to fuck me. Which was fun at first, but even that gets old. It seems your case was the opposite, u were not looking and u found it. Sorry you are brokenhearted. I tell myself sometimes that the good thing of not being in a relationship is that nobody can dump me and break my heart, because to have your heart broken, you need to be in love in the first place. I would still take my chances tho! Visit my blog if u feel like at cruzinaround.blogspot.com Peace.
sorry to hear ur story, but i trust u will find the one some day =)
sorry to hear that, but i know the relationship needs the compromise and work. and i believe u guys had been working on it so hard. sorry that u guys can't work out but i believe u will find the one later on=)
Jason,
I am so sorry to hear this has happened. I remember the last time you guys had a "bump in the road" and I remember the last time my heart was ripped by someone; it is never a pleasant feeling but things happen for a reason and someday you will see why it all happened and why you both are better off! I just hope that you both know the reason why it ended so it doesn't haunt you later!
I'm sorry Mason. I know you must be hurting right now. Take care of yourself.
Awww, I'm sorry Mason. Get out the country music and chocolate and have a good cry.
we are so sad to read. there is no hope you can get back together?
Marcus left you. You had it coming. I'm glad for him.
Now you're free to fuck around with whomever you like without guilt, if you ever had any in the first place.
Are you happy now?
Hey fella
Break-ups are hard. I went thru one this year, after 10 years together, so I get where you are.
Keep your chin up, you're eyes forward and above all else, keep talking.
Find your true friends and they will help you thru it.
Be happy
JC
come on...you and Aiden both having "breakup" posts within two days of each other...
anyway, sorry for your loss - I personally can't imagine ever dating someone who gets paid to cheat on me so I don't know what to say...
Really sorry for you dude. I know exactly how it feels. Good luck.
I am so sorry Mason. My heart goes out to you. We have all seen your blogs and your feelings pour out on this, and neither of you deserve this kind of hurt. You know how to get a hold of a lot of us if you need to talk
Sorry to hear about that. Take care of yourselves.
Hey!
Try to focus on the future....not easy, but a necessity. Once you make a major decision, don't look back. Move forward. In the meantime, here's wishing both of you happiness. God bless, man!
Hello sorry to hear that i had the same experience. I was just a year together with him but if we saw us we was argueing and afterwards we was ending in bed.
the end was the same as yours. i loved the person but from the caracter we didn't fit together. after 4 week i ask if he wona pick up the rest off his stuff what i found he said to me that we wouldn;t have sex cause he has a new BF.
oh i was mad and pissed thats so rediculas to say.
but anyway this guy is out off my life and i now the MR ONE will come one day.
head up and you will find the right one too.
love you
markus
Hey man, so sorry to hear that you broke up with your boyfriend. You must feel awful right now.
Hope things get better for you soon.
i know...
Wow! So sorry to hear about your breakup. I know it's hard and it hurts. You will pull through this. Hang in there.
Sorry to hear your news. Your post is one of the most genuine things I've read in a while.
Sad times. Hopefully time will do its thing.
Mason im sorry to hear this, even though it has looked like this moment had been coming for awhile. I am happy that you said lets forget the bad and remeber the good. Just keep that in mind this is going to be tough and i am truly sorry. I hope you can start to mend your broken heart.
your friend elliott (sshevil)
You threw away five years. "Selfish Slut" is the first thought that came to mind.
Im sorry Mason, I know that you two have tried so hard over the years, as you said remember the good times... "He'll still be a part of everything you do, he'll be on your heart just like a tattoo!" be happy babe :-)
It's for the best, Mason.
You shouldn't treat your boyfriend as your eunuch.
It's okay to have a eunuch best friend and chaperone, but not if he expects romantic love from you, especially monogamy.
Find a best friend who doesn't rely on you for sex or romance to be your "wingman."
Or find a boyfriend just as ravenously slutty as you (which would still be hard to make work).
Just be clear about your expectations of each other and be mindful of people who tell you what you want to hear, but are truly unhappy inside and neglecting their own needs.
You're a hot guy, people will say anything to associate with you. You realize this power and take advantage of it.
But even when people communicate clearly in relationships, there's always a chance that they're lying or unaware.
So you have to know when people are telling the truth to make relationships work.
Maybe this decision was for the best...
It seemed like that you two were not compatible, however you chose to stick it out. As an outsider, I was thinking to myself, "Good for them. But let's see how this pans out..."
I know this may be controversial, but this proves that there is a reason for everything. Mason, you have experienced love as a young man, and technically, you are still new to this world. Our current situation is new in its own way, that we have the freedom of speech and self-expression.
I have had to learn the hard way about this, so here is some advice that you can use, or discard at will:
Life, as we know it, is too precious to just give up on or waste. Though it may be against your morals, we must be selfish in our own right. Or else where would we be?
A good example for this point is an old tale.
There was a man in Ancient China who was virtuous and was never selfish in any way. He gained respect for being kind and generous to everyone. Over many years, he maintained his morals of virtue and generousity. Then, his two brothers (who were very close to each other) were killed by their people. Furious, this man took his rage to another man( who was his rival at the time), but lost against him, and died an unhappy man filled with regrets. Meanwhile, another one of his rivals was not as virtuous in his mannerisms, and gained respect through fear and force. Though his reputation was not as good, he gained what he wanted in the end.
(This is a true story, and has not been exaggerated in any way.)
Though it may be hard to hear, you must focus on yourself, as this chapter is drawing to a close. Of course you will always remember the good times, and the bad times. However, it is clear that you both want to move on, and according to you, it was a mutual decision.
I cannot speak for anyone else, but as I am a loyal subject to you, I shall support any decision that you may have, regardless of my own opinions or thoughts. rest assured, I am not here to cause a rift, but to serve, and serve honourably.
Xx_RavsDesire_xX
chin up, kid. we have all been there. i wish you peace and serenity.
-jason
xo
Being a year out from a break-up myself (of a 7 year relationship in my case), I definitely understand what you're going through. The circumstances were different but the underlying rationale the same. We both wanted different things from life.
I'm sorry to read that people want to make this a story of heroes and villans. You and Marcus have different needs. It doesn't make either one of you better or worse than the other. People can judge you for the path you've chosen, but I hope that you each realize that being true to who you are and what you each need from life is the only way to go. Hopefully, you'll each find your way to people that will love you for who you are and that you can love in return in the same way. Until then, I wish you courage, strength, and peace on your journey.
*hug* I've been through the exact same thing, in nearly the same situation (though im not a hot porn star lol). It hurts. I know. Feels like everything in the world is ending. No one can really tell you completely what to do to make it better. Time I guess.
*kiss*
Love hurts, take care of yourself
There is nothing that anyone can say that will take away the hurt. It takes time and lots of it. It will hit you out of the blue. What you need is time to heal and it isn't fun. Is there a magic answer? Just stay busy. You will find out who your real friends are. Talk to D.J. Carlton at active duty. Go to the gym. Hang out with friends. Find things to do. Movies don't work. Take a cooking class or something like that. Just DO NOT SIT AROUND. Be selfish for once because this is the time you are allowed to. And stop beating yourself up. And don't listen to people who are negative. And lastly do not believe that this is because you do porn. Yes, porn stars can find love. Porn stars are some of the strongest people in the world.It take big balls to be a porn star. You have strenght and don't forget it. It is time to think of Mason for once. And let your friends and fans help you. This is not about weakness but strengh of character. And we all know you are a lot stronger then you think you are right now. And if someone is negative, fuck em.
As a guy celebrating 20 years of ups and downs with the same guy, I can only offer this advice: Re-read your post. What is it that you think you "needed" from your relationship from Marcus that you couldn't get. How important is/was it on a scale of 1-10. If it is/was less than 6, is the breakup really worth it?
Best of luck in the future.
I feel pity for those Anonymous twats that are leaving rather insensitive, judgmental comments. Surely you're in perfect relationships. And are experts in them. I sure hope you're happy with yourselves, but I wouldn't bet on that.
Sorry to hear about your relationship, Mason. Hang in there.
Sorry to hear about your relationship. May I suggest you look into the following category of people for love? I think these people would give you love unconditionally: aging ex-porn star Mario seems to be dropping some hints, sugar daddies,Mason Wyler cult followers, guys with white uncut fetish & those who needs a BF trophy. Hey I'm just trying to help.
What's more important, dude? Getting off, or love?
In a perfect world, you have a healthy mix of both, yeah?
..sucks that the world isn't perfect.
I'm currently in a long-distance relationship, and just hearing that my guy is going out to a gay bar with friends makes me jealous. I can't imagine how your guy must have felt.
I guess you did kinda have it coming....but, so did he, right? If all he wanted was monogomy, and a traditional relationship, why did he go along with the porn thing in the first place?
Emotions are fucking awful.
I love how everyone is trying to give you dating advice.
What does anyone on here (including myself) know about being in a healthy relationship? Logging online and peeping at little porn to jack off is one thing...but following the online blog of a porn star, and making comments? I don't think anyone on here knows a goddamn thing about being in a solid relationship.
I am really sorry to hear this, Mason! I know the feelings and the difficulties, having lived through the same. I hope you guys can keep in touch and remain friends. You've experienced a lot together! Be well and stay HOT!
Jay
Very sad to hear of this news, Mason.
Thanks for being so open and honest about it in this blog.
Someone will come along and sweep you off your feet when the time is right.
thinking about you,
Gary
Well Mason I am sorry to hear that it's finally come down to this, but it was inevitable. I'd be lying if I said I feel sorry for you because you pretty much brought it on yourself and had it coming. Think of this as a learning experience. Before becoming romantically involved with someone again really stop and think about what you want and what you need out of a relationship before dragging someone else down into your crazy world. Be open and honest with them. I wish you the best of luck.
Hey, Mason. You don't know me, but I'm sorry about your loss. I've been without a lover for going on 2 years now, and I know what you mean - it is hard to function without the person you love there with you. It is hard to function on all the basic levels. But...I don't know. Take care of yourself. Try to make yourself happy. Give yourself love. You have given me so much pleasure, I wish I could be there for you. Love. JP
i think the hardest part of breakups is never being totally 100% certain that we did the right thing. was it the right choice to be in the relationship? did we treat the other person right? did he treat us right? should we have broken up? couldn't we have given it one more try? only time will tell the story about whether or not you 2 did all that you could. the most important thing is that you will always have each other no matter what. that will never go away because of the way in which you went your separate ways: with love.
Sorry to hear about the breakup. I think it is always hard no matter for who you are. It is not the most pleasant part of life but a learning part for sure.
I've always wondered how a relationship works when the other person's job is to have sex with people and people see them as a sex object in public? How would I deal with it...the insecurities, jealously, competition....when every other guy wants to screw my bf at every corner? Am I the luckiest person or the most pathetic? At some point I guess I would have to accept it because that was the package that came with it...I don't think it is that easy sadly.
Bayuni or whatever seudonym u hide under...First of all everybody is "aging". I do not know one person who gets younger instead of older (wonder how young you are?) Secondly I am scheduled to do a shoot at the end of this month, so guess I am still a pornstar. And yes I am in my thirties but I dare to compare a picture of yours with one of mine, even when I turn 50 I will still be hotter than you will ever be. Finally you were NOT really trying to help Mason. You were merely being sarcastic!Someone pours their heart out and is vulnerable (Mason) and all u have to say is negative. You must be one sad little person.
Sorry Mason, I apologize for posting this on your blog. I will not post anything more as some people are just too negative. I hope u are feeling better and if u ever want a friend send me an email.
I love you, Mason!! So cute...you're better off ;)
I'd be a good bf to you ;)
:[ im rele sry to hear what happened mason. im a new fan to ur blog, i actually jst recently discovered u had it haha but ive been catching up on my reading for the past two days. I love ur work but wat intrigues me more is ur personality. ur such a kind hearted funny in a satirical way and pretty confident person who speaks his mind. not to mention of course which u prolly always here is tht ur hot ;P. but bck to this topic im so sry to hear bout u and marcus i like him he was a cutie and so smart, he always made me smile wen i read a blog of his. Life is a road paved with bumps :/ and i guess this is jst another one of urs. I know u must be feeling mixed emotions and i hope u feel bttr mason. Know tht ur fans r here for u and so am i :D ur new fan who finds u to b vry vry cool :D! i evn told my frnds at skool today i was following the life of a gay porn star rofl!
"Simple career goals: Join the Peace Corps and Teach history. "--This is funny, every porn star wants to do something really great with their lives, and then its like they hit a wall or something...seems to be a recurring theme with porn stars. What the hell happened?
No dating advice here, Mason. Just my sympathies on your breakup and a gentle suggestion that you take some time for yourself and try to let things heal. I haven't really had but one boyfriend, and that was 8 years ago...and then only for three months.
Things will get better. May not feel like it right now, but that tired cliche of "time heals all wounds"...well, it's sort of true in a dark and twisty way. :)
Matt
As an Anon poster, please accept my sympathies for the spite that has been spit at you from other anon posters. You and your ex don't deserve that. While in my personal opinion, you both have some issues that will be blocks to most long-term relationships, I do think that you've been very upfront in acknowledging them and realizing that you've got some "stuff" to work through. I wish you both nothing but luck, health and happiness. And I would also say that I'm sure it must hurt right now, but my first, second and even THIRD attempts at successfully forging an LTR as a young gay man did not turn out near as well as yours did. Being young and gay is hard, since there really aren't a lot of models for us to learn from. That's not so much an excuse as a statement of fact; you WILL learn lessons from this, and hopefully your next relationship will benefit from that learning.
Sorry to be so windy. Hope you feel better soon.
Mason, I'm sorry..... I wish I had an answer or solution for you to make it all better. I just want you to know that you have to keep going. Don't go backwards Mason. Keep searching, you'll find Him, or He'll find you.
EH
Eh, I'm not sorry to hear it. I love ya Mason but hello, welcome to the real world. I have no doubt you won't be single for long so buck up and take it like the rest of us do.
hi mason
u are so
sexii ^^
please add me to messenger
therasmusmax@hotmail.com
or write something on my blog
please
hi^^ mason
u are so sexii
:P
please add me to email
therasmusmax@hotmail.com
please
or write something on my blog have a nice day bby with love:
diego friitzy
I am sorry both 4 u and Marcus bc just by reading ur blog, I knew how much u guys have been through.
All the best!
Sorry to hear that you've broken up. I hope you meet again in the future at a time when you both want the same thing. Even if it's a few days, months or years from now. All my best,
Mason,
Man i'm so sorry you feel soo alone. Beyond ur adoring fans and acquaintances at work I could never imagine this amazing strong guy from Texas would ever be alone. I have a little experience with being alone coming from a Tobacco Plantation in the Colonial Mid-Atlantic states. If I could reach into the past and take away all ur pain I would before my own.
hugs, Johnnie
Orlando,FL
Some of you fall into the same gay convenient excuses for beoken relationships. They take work, respect and more work. AS one reader put it" You get paid to sheat on your partner". Having many partners each and every month is not a healthy way to keep a relationship strong. Jealousy is an universal factor. If the guy you are with is playing around with a multitude of men, somewhere along the way it will take its toll on a relationship no matter how understanding one tries to become.
How about changing your line of work? Yes many enjoy seeing you and your efforts, but what kind of toll does it take on your personal life. Youth goes, looks fade but real love can last and last if given the proper respect and work.
No matter how great looking, I could not personally be with someone in your industry, it can rip the heart out of even the less sensitive individual watching your partner with other guys again adn again and again.
What do you have in place when this adult film ride is all over?
I don't understand people that pass by blogs and write inappropriate, acid, or just plain nasty comments... do you feel fulfilled now? did you have a good time?
Anyway... this was a moving post. I just can give a big hug, and take care
It's quite interesting how you complained that his dick isn't big enough to plow you properly, and blamed his desire for monogamy as the cause of the breakup. So he didn't or couldn't live up to your standards. Ho-hum. He's lucky to be rid of you.
This was one of the more real raw posts that you have put on here.
Thank you for being real with us.
Sorry for the loss.
Ok, without blablabla. You're a handsome guy, relationships take time, everything goes!
Okay that was 5 years, but you must remember the best that you lived, and proud of it. Perhaps nothing will do it all back again, but now work to continue beyond that because, now, who live lives is you. So live it every second without fear.
love is forever, but the world around is changing
take care
Mason, sorry to hear about what happened. Sex is a very important part of a relationship, if your partner cannot or will not fulfill your needs, then something has to give. I feel for you and wish you the best in the future!
Haven't left you a message before, but I'm sorry to hear that things are so hard now. In my experience, it's better to acknowledge that you need different things, and if you can't compromise, then let it go as best you can. For either of you to try to be something you're not won't work in the long run.
Wishing you growing peace...
Try to look at it from his perspective. He probably wants you all to himself, and in love, there's nothing wrong with that.
It's just going to suck...and then it'll suck less.
And if you feel you can't progress in your life without him, then you should try to make it work and do it for him.
I am so sorry to hear Mason and Marcus :(
In life you always look forward to riding a new push bike, not really thinking that sometimes you are going to fall, get hurt, and even lose a little skin.
But in time those wounds heal into scars, and you fall again, hurt again, and then heal again.
I hope that one day, you both can look at those scars, remember the falls, remember the hurt, but most of all remember the fun, the feelings, and the adventures that was the ride.
I hope you both someday soon get back on that bike, and see just where a new ride will take you?
Take care and remember to smile, at least a little...
Aussie Big
Sorry to hear about the break up mason. You should get over it by getting fucked dozens of times every day and telling us all about it.
so sorry mason. your a good guy. i would love to be your boyfriend. take care!
I wish you both the best. It sounds like you both tried to make it work. That's all you can ask, really.
Someone wise once told me that people change and sometimes two people grow apart. And when that happens one can either work harder to grow back together, or move on.
I always thought in terms of a life time relationship, and I still want that with Justin. But after having ended a 12 year relationship in 2004, I am all too aware that sometimes it's best to move on.
My hope is that as you pick up and move on, your healing will be quick. Take care.
I am shocked by the number of judgemental comments by those who believe monogamy is the only way. I would think that those who are gay, who have been marginalized by society, would be more open minded. There are many relationship models that can work.
To you, Mason, I say that while I prefer monogamy for myself, I would never condemn you for how you choose to work your relationships.
Take care, and may you both find peace and healing as you move on.
damn mason,
seems like a long time coming. sucks tho. i wish u and marcus the best and hope u two find what u are looking for. i also hope that u two can at least remain friends at some point in time as well. take care buddy! xx
Aww...break ups suck! Here's to spending some time mending that heart (hopefully with some non-self destructive behaviour).
Then being clear what you're looking for and getting back out there and finding it. :)
thnx for letting marcus go, ur a jerk and he deserves better, you started out real nice when i first saw you on CF but since you seem full of yourself and real fake in ur porn......yay for marcus
i've been a reader of your blog for well over a year and i've always wanted to post a comment. but i never have. nerves got the best of me. now seems as good a time as any. simply, i hope you feel better. i hope you recover, and i hope you continue to do great work. those of us that love you and appreciate you will be here for you, in person, in spirit, no matter what. hope i get to meet you someday and tell you in person how pretty fuckin cool i think you are.
best,
ryan
From what I have read on your blog for awhile, it is truly disgusting, heartless and beyond insensitive how you treated Marcus. Even if he had no backbone to leave you, the fact that you kept cheating, etc, time and again is a statement about your character. Disgusting. Seek help and get it.
Just checking in to see how you are doing. Don't feel like you are alone. There are people that care about you. I hope you got a hold of D.J. at Active Duty. He mentioned you a few weeks ago.It is time to relie on your friends. Take care of yourself. You have many fans who care about you.
So you got your wish, you can fuck/get fucked without having to worry/weigh you down.
Hope you're happy.
It seems like you've always wanted that life. hmmm...
Sorry to hear it. Hope you have the person you need to take you through this, If not, I hope you find them.
My sympathies, and I agree with Mario. It's hard to be taken seriously when everyone wants to fuck you and knows that you would if they play it right. When you ready and you stop looking it will happen. I got lucky and have been in a relationship for 8 years now. Chin up it will happen.
It is not the end; this is a new beginning, Mr. Wyler. You take as much time you need to heal and then, you move on.
hey man wuts up i just started actually today reading about u.... seems like u been through alot or rough times but also some fucking fun ones too man anyways i am a straight in the closet guy that think ure hot as fuck and would love to meet up maybe just to chill or some hot crazy fuck feel free to email me morales2151@yahoo.com and dont wanna sound cocky but dont miss out man i am hot and got pics and a webcam to prove it anyways man hope to hear from u soon ;)
Funny how things turn out when you treat your partner like crap.
Now as a pornstar you can concentrate a bit more in acting...
You have a fantastic body + look but I've always thought you haven't got any passion - no passionate kisses or caressing moves, you just stick your bums out & keep screaming as you get fucked. Vigorous hand job to finish off.... You look hot but your videos are not very hot! Now I understand it's all because you've felt you owed it to your personal lover.
hey mason unn ashton or whatever hism=name is loves u was this pland for u to breakupp wit him just so u couldgo tohim cause for one he broke with his bf at the same tomefunny isn't aand u to loveeach othr u just fucking threw away the love ofur life u dum ass porn star
So, is your blog officially dead, or what?
wyler.. remember.. ice cream is not your FRIEND ! ;o) take care boy !
just post something so we know you're alive or i'm calling 911 !
You should keep writing bro... You're funny and for sure have an imagination lol. Something to think about if you get sick of the whole dirty photos thing. Plus it gives me something to read on my lunch break.
After reading your post for a while now and trying to digest everything... To me, even though, Im sure you guys had a lot of communication and heart-to-heart, about your situation, there's always someone who "wins" from the relationship. Sometimes, it's hard to realize that, in a committed relationship, however it is defined, that everyone needs to be open and able to freely communicate their feelings. That may have occurred, but, with knowledge, also requires action.
I, personally, believe that, if you truly love someone, that, no matter what the sacrifice it may be, that you're willing to do it, just because you "love" the person. If you dont, then it's really "love" for convenience. Im sure many people will argue with that, but it's the truth. I, believe, that if you really "love" that person, so immensely, that you will try your best to overcome obstacles, barriers, self-doubt, etc. to make thing work.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. I just hope that things work out and that no one will regret their decisions.
Babycakes! Sorry you're going through a tough time. Keep your chin up big guy, you got peeps that love you! XOX
It doesn't fit to your sad post but I've read your list of favourite video games - good taste!!! And you're right nobody, really nobody wants to have a Wii!!!! ;-) Keep smiling
I am sorry to hear such hardships on your end in such times of global hardships. I hope that you will find what you are looking for. As it always will make me sad when two people not make it through a relationship together. I hope the best for you James. I have watched you through out the years and have throughly enjoyed reading your blogs and watching your videos. Good luck James, Just know you are loved
~You avid fan
Stephen
after the break up come the friends.they know what to do.it's great to have 'em to help you through those stuff.take care.....and count on them! (that's what i do and trust me, it helps a lot)
You seem like such a sweet beautiful guy. You deserve big happiness and lots of love. And you'll find it. You are a class act. Surround yourself with good friends who will stay by you as long as you live and treat them well.
Mason,
I am sorry to hear you were sad, that you passed through that door. Thing that really compelled me to comment: you are an amazing writer! You should pursue that as one of your many talents!!
Best wishes,
Chris
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