Rape Reality Part 2: The Truth

The truth is I did get raped by a guy who claimed to be a Captain in the U.S. Army. And the truth is I did invite him into my home. He was attractive and he looked normal. I guess thats incredibly stupid of me to judge someones character based solely on appearances. But I trust people on day one until they lose it instead of making people earn my trust. We had a bit of small talk, he told me that he was gay, and that he had seen some of my work and kept up with my myspace page. I did come on to him. I kissed him and he kissed me back. But within a few short moments things quickly turned ugly. All the sexual abuses that I listed in my news report truthfully happened to me.

Truthfully for the first few hours of the attack I fought back and I fought back hard, I assume that since he was a big strong army guy that he thought it was going to be easy to over power me and get me under control, but I sure as hell surprised him. When he pulled out the gun it scared me shitless and I stopped fighting for a bit but then I figured I really was going to die and if that were to be the case then I'd rather go out fighting instead of being some blubbering victim.

So I started to struggle against him once more. I seriously bit a chunk of flesh out of his upper chest trying to wrestle him off of me, I also tried gouging his eyes out but every attempt I made to break free from him failed.

I was beaten and strangled to the point that I passed out numerous times during the night, each time I came to he was either fucking me or tying me up with whatever he could find. I ended up getting my wrists and ankles tied behind my back, and attached to a belt that was wrapped around my neck so that if I struggled I would end up just strangling myself.

I was screaming for help so loud that he ended up not only blindfolding me but taping my mouth shut. I almost had a helmet of duct tape covering my face and at one point I thought I was going to suffocate to death. When he noticed that I couldn't breath, he took the tape off of my nose, maybe he just wanted me to be alive and in pain while he raped me, I don't know.

The truth is, I'll admit, that my mind is pretty fucked up. I'll admit that my sexual promiscuity has put myself at risk countless times and until the other night I have been pretty lucky. I'll admit that I am a slut who has some pretty sick fantasies at times BUT this twisted fantasy was always meant to be just that, a fantasy, I never wanted it to become a reality. Just because someone is a slut who talks dirty doesn't give anyone the right to abuse that person.

The truth is that I think the rapist did call over some friends to use me once he had gotten his fill of me. By then the drugs (which I was unaware that he had injected me with at the time) had already taken affect and I was much more subdued and mellow. My muscles started to go limp, including my ass, which the gang of murderers and rapists interpreted as me wanting more cock up my hole. If I could of shit on them I would of.

The truth is that my first instinct was to yell at my neighbors after I escaped because I know they were home and I KNOW they could hear me screaming for help through the walls. AND YET LIKE MOST FUCKING AMERICANS, THEY DID NOTHING. Some people are so afraid to get involved in other peoples lives when they need it most. You always read those horror stories of kids getting raped in apartment complexes where the neighbors hear it but don't call the cops.. then act all shocked when they find out exactly what was going on... I was sickened to hear that and ENRAGED when it happened to me.

The truth is the police were eventually called. Six of them showed up, Four of them were ex-military, and all of them were assholes. The FIRST thing they asked was, "Have you been doing any illegal substances or drinking?" and keep in mind they knew why they were called over.

I said no.

My blood was pumping, mind racing,I was going nuts, and I had no idea that the guy had squirted GHB into my asshole. I just thought he wanted to get my insides wet, hell he shoved ice cubes up in me. I think the bastard just got off seeing me squirm in pain. As hard as it is for some of you to believe, I have NEVER done any drugs other than marijuana, which I don't consider a drug anyway. So I didn't know that the effects I was feeling was from a drug and not from getting knocked around and choked so many times.

They took my answer with a grain of salt.

They all had looks of doubt. "Come on, you love sex...and with a guy in the military, thats like a dream come true for you, just admit it you sick fagot and stop wasting our time", is what I'm sure they were thinking.

I'm not your average joe in terms of personality, I can't shut up under normal circumstances and last night I couldn't stop talking for the life of me, it might have been the drugs that were forced into my body or it might have been the sudden adrenaline rush I was feeling after I escaped, but either way I couldn't shut up, which led the cops to believe I was just a cracked out fagot that wanted it and was just freaking out.

Like some of you have said, rape victims have a hard time talking about their situation with loved ones and friends, let alone a public forum BUT FUCK THAT. I want everyone out there to know that there are some sick fucks in all types of uniforms and to be cautious. I told my neighbors, the cops, my friends, my mother, my brother, the nurses at the hospital, the lady at the front desk that asked what happened, and any body else who stared at my fucked up face. Screw being ashamed and quiet about it. I was kind of proud that I gave a guy who was almost 6'2" and probably 220 lbs a pretty good fight. AND yes I know thats pretty fucked up that a slut who just got raped is proud and I'm sure the cops were thinking the same thing.

It probably didn't help that I had copies of my porn laying all over the house when they came in to collect evidence. And it probably didn't help that I didn't follow their orders to just sit down and not to walk around to keep me from smudging any finger prints the rapist may have left behind. And I sure as hell didn't help when I made nasty comments about people in the armed forces, I was pissed off and couldn't help it. SERIOUSLY, I didn't know there was a certain way you're suppose to act after you get raped. Do they offer a rape victims etiquette class? I should probably take it. I'm surprised there aren't more insane crazy rape victims out there, because I'm seriously about to go off my rocker!

The cops were serious assholes though, while two of the investigators were busy finger printing my whole house, the other four were holding me hostage in my living room. "JUST SIT THERE SIR, WE DON'T WANT YOU CONTAMINATING EVIDENCE", one pig oinked. "Uh. I need to take a piss", I said. "Well they haven't collected evidence from the bathroom yet and you might have some of their DNA on you so you probably shouldn't do anything until we get to the hospital", the asshole in blue said. I seriously wanted to yell, "THE DNA IS IN MY ASSHOLE YOU FUCKING PIG!" But I was at least able to keep that to myself.

I kept asking them, "I'm sure you will get his DNA after my exam, why on earth do you need to take all my stuff?" to which they replied "We just just have to"... "We just have to?" thats not a very good reason. On top of that they took things that had nothing to do with the case, like my main computer, my cell phone, and my clothes, the clothes that I had on when the guy came over and just random clothes on the floor. One pig told me that once the stuff becomes evidence, I'd probably never get them back, and the stupid fucking piece of shit chuckled, like it was funny.

Two of the cops were talking about rough sex with their wives and how they have to pin them down... not saying they're rapists.. just saying that talking about rough sex at a rape scene.... WOW... seriously?

After they collected my statement and "evidence" and they were finally done belittling me they handed me a card with a case number on the back, "Call if you want to press charges", they said - the number on the front was the number for the traffic violations office. WOW THEY REALLY DO CARE.

Then they took me to the shittiest hospital in the city, where I got to wait, then wait some more, and wait some more. Then finally after 5 hours of waiting along side hobo's, hookers, and heroine addicts I was finally put in a room where I got to wait another hour for a fucking rape kit, a medical exam that took about 15 minutes to complete. And just to put icing on the cake was handed a medical bill for the exam, $100. LOVELY.

When I finally got home I found my walls, carpet, and furniture covered in black finger print dust not to mention the drops of blood spattered across the floor. Not one of the drops of the blood looked as if they had been swabbed for samples... something I thought the police would want to match with the DNA taken from my hole. And upon further investigation I found something even more startling... the tape and papers used to collect finger prints.. all of it containing the assholes finger prints were crumpled up and thrown into my trash can.

For those of you who seem to be genuinely worried about me, don't be, I'll be fine, I was already pretty messed up before this so maybe this will make me less of a stupid slut. Maybe this will get me to quit doing porn and try incredibly hard at a normal lifestyle.

I checked myself into a hotel room because I couldn't stand to be in that house alone. It wreaked of sweat, piss, and rapist cum. I have been sitting here ever since, playing the events over and over in my head, thinking about what he did to me, trying to figure out what I should do about it, planning my revenge, and then I wrote that article. Like I said earlier, the report was written by me but the crime reported in it is fact.

I'm done trying to prove that I'm telling the truth, if you don't believe me then FUCK you and quit reading my blog. LIKE RIGHT NOW. JUST CLICK THE X. I usually welcome people's criticisms and differing opinions.. but this isn't about your opinion... its about my health and well-being. I WRITE BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. Is that pathetic to you??? THEN GO FUCK YOURSELF!

For those of you who are truly my fans and friends, please excuse my erratic behavior. I'm a mess right now.

I've been writing and talking about it to whoever will listen, hoping to write and talk about it so much that I have nothing left to say about it and can hopefully move on.